Sixth grade. Flip bangs were smokin' hot back then - you curled a fringe forward, and then curled a fringe backward and teased it up high before shellacking the whole thing with Aqua-Net.
I hadn't started reading Cosmo yet, so I had no idea how to control my manic hair. Still, I felt sure that if I could just cut my bangs properly, I'd be magically transformed...from a frizzy-haired dirt-eyed tan urchin...into a beautiful blonde blue-eyed pasty-white princess Becky!! Yay!!
So I captured a section of crazed hair and got it soaking wet. I stretched it as tightly as I could down to my nose, and carefully cut straight across at eyebrow-level. Then I grabbed a Bop magazine, put on some Tiffany and waited for the miracle to unfold.
A half hour later, I felt a breeze across my forehead and skipped over to my mirror to put the finishing touches on my creation.
W.T.F. Where the hell is Becky?
Problem #1: My hair is still brown.
Problem #2: My skin is still tan.
Problem #3: My eyes are still the colour of soil.
Fortunately no one is likely to notice these unattractive features, because all their attention will be focused on the 1-inch curled fringe skittering across the top of my forehead.
In an attempt to fix this God-forsaken mess with a curling iron, I then accidentally burned "Conair" into my naked forehead, a la Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed.
Ahhhh, sweet memories. At least there was no hair dye involved, unlike that time in university.