Monday, December 27, 2010

Fun with hair

Sixth grade. Flip bangs were smokin' hot back then - you curled a fringe forward, and then curled a fringe backward and teased it up high before shellacking the whole thing with Aqua-Net.

I hadn't started reading Cosmo yet, so I had no idea how to control my manic hair.  Still, I felt sure that if I could just cut my bangs properly, I'd be magically transformed...from a frizzy-haired dirt-eyed tan urchin...into a beautiful blonde blue-eyed pasty-white princess Becky!!  Yay!!

So I captured a section of crazed hair and got it soaking wet.  I stretched it as tightly as I could down to my nose, and carefully cut straight across at eyebrow-level.  Then I grabbed a Bop magazine, put on some Tiffany and waited for the miracle to unfold.

A half hour later, I felt a breeze across my forehead and skipped over to my mirror to put the finishing touches on my creation.

W.T.F.  Where the hell is Becky?

Problem #1:  My hair is still brown.
Problem #2:  My skin is still tan.
Problem #3:  My eyes are still the colour of soil.          

Fortunately no one is likely to notice these unattractive features, because all their attention will be focused on the 1-inch curled fringe skittering across the top of my forehead.

In an attempt to fix this God-forsaken mess with a curling iron, I then accidentally burned "Conair" into my naked forehead, a la Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed.

Ahhhh, sweet memories. At least there was no hair dye involved, unlike that time in university.

2 comments:

  1. hee hee hee! Thanks for the laughs!

    If I had to look like one of the three people in your post, I'd choose the second, hands down!

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  2. I did the exact same thing at 15! Luckily, my sister was in university and had the presence of mind to pull more of my hair forward and cut it longer. At that time all you had to do was spray the crap out of your bangs, tease them, and spray them again. So, the fact that they were 2 layers got lost in the rat's nest I was happy to have lying against my forehead :)

    p.s. Your site suddenly seems to be generating a lot of traffic to mine. Not sure why, but i certainly appreciate it!

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Lend me some sugar!