Saturday, March 12, 2011

Gym hooligans

Hurray for prizes!!  Jeri-Lynne at The Knight Life ( gave me this fabulous award - thank you! 

The rules are to:
1. thank the person who tagged you and link back to their blog
2. share 7 random facts
3. share the blog love!

My random facts are:

1)    I have a weird obsession with plucking J.'s grey hairs, which he tolerates grudgingly, although he won't let me pluck his facial hair.  I had to restrain myself from cleaning up S.'s strays by reminding myself that pulling hairs out does hurt and I would never do anything to hurt my little bean.  I still try not to look at her eyebrows too closely though.

2)    One time I bought so many boxes of ice cream bars (because they were on for $3, regularly $8) that I couldn't fit them all in my freezer, and I had to bury some of them outside in the snow for a few days until I'd eaten enough to clear a space for them.

3)    In a different life I would have liked to be a professional dancer.  Not a stripper, a choreographer and dancer like the judges on So You Think You Can Dance. 

4)    It took 30 years for my biological clock to get started and now my daughter is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

5)    When I was 10, I organized all my books into alphabetical order, drew a grid on my dad's dot matrix printer paper, and listed all of them.  Then I made little individual library cards and a fee schedule and went around the neighborhood promoting my new library.  Take that, Napoleon Dynamite - let your nerd flag fly!

6)    I knew I would marry my husband two weeks into our relationship when I was 16 years old.  And I did.

7)    I'm seriously re-considering flying anywhere in the near future, because I'm truly uncomfortable with the legalized sexual assault being carried out by the airport security in the States.  How are they getting away with this?

I'm passing this award along to the following ladies, whose snappy, entertaining writing makes me laugh, think and enjoy my day:

I had more people on my list, but when I checked their blogs, they'd already received this award.  Let the stylish blogging continue!

Guess what's NOT stylish?  Flinging your underwear around in public.  Today in zumba a girl ran in late and stood behind me in the front row (safest place to be and I have a mild exhibitionist streak).  Just after we finished the first song I heard "Well, it's not mine!" from behind me.  I turned around and joined a circle of ladies staring at the vibrant purple thong decorating the aerobics studio floor.  I double-checked and my own underwear were still on, so I knew it wasn't mine.  Zumba's pretty sexy, but usually no one's panties come off, especially since I go to an all-women class.

Eventually the girl who came in late dragged her thong to the back of the class with her foot, where she left it until the end of the class, when she picked it up and took it with her.  I would have been seriously mortified but she seemed unfazed.  Static cling strikes again!

I used to work out daily and the gym is still one of my happy places.  But every January/February that happiness is tested by the hordes of New Year's resolution-clutching newbies.  I try to be patient and welcoming, because we were all rookies once and it takes courage to join a class and stumble along until you get used to it. 

But some attempt to learn and follow the rules of gym etiquette would be nice.  I shouldn't have to pee on the floor to mark my spot so someone doesn't steal it when I go to re-fill my water bottle.  That's rude.  And everyone is standing a certain distance apart for a reason and it's not because we're all sweaty, although proper application of deodorant and refraining from dousing yourself in perfume is much appreciated.  It's to avoid crashing into each other while doing our jumping jacks.  One time someone came late to a kickboxing class and stood right behind me - I didn't see her come in and came thisclose to kicking her in the head.  Grrr.

I'm curious what your thoughts are on the naked thing.  It's a little over the top to hunch up under your towel trying to hide every scrap of skin...really, it's not junior high and no one cares.  On the other hand, doing a blowdry and a full face of make-up in your birthday suit isn't a public activity.  We don't all want an extended view of your tatas.  Save it for the privacy of your own home.

The most egregious naked offenders are old women.  I've observed that elderly people seem to have lost all respect and courtesy for those around them...the snail-like driving in the fast lane, butting in line at the supermarket, loud horking into a hankerchief while people are eating, I could go on and on.  Maybe when you retire from work, you get to retire from being a good social citizen too.  I was blessed with a vivid example of this at the gym a few years ago.

Picture your typical locker room.  In each row there's a long, narrow bench with lockers on either side.  I've changed out of my pencil skirt into my favourite spandex and just finished pulling on my black and white Nike Air sneakers.  As I put one foot onto the bench to tie my shoelaces, a beige expanse fills my peripheral vision on the other side of the bench.  No worries, it is a change room after all.  But then. O.M.G.

A green towel drops on the floor across from me as I finish tying my shoes, foot still on the bench.  I look down at the towel, glance up and see something I never, ever wanted to see at all, let alone from a foot away.  My mind can't even process it at first.  There are beige wrinkles, pink wrinkles, grey hair...ARRGGHHH!!!  What the hell!!  When you drop something in public, the polite way to pick it up does not involve bending straight over from the waist.  Especially if you're not wearing any bottoms and your bum is facing the rest of the room.  This is a gym locker room, not a kinky May-December lesbian shower porno.  It's not even good for your back to bend like that.

bad for your backand my mental health

Therefore my final comment on gym etiquette is simple:  Please, for the love of God, pick up your towel like a lady!


  1. hahahahaha.. the zumba story is hilarious :) glad you had your undies on still hehe... ;) I'm coming from FTLOB's blog hop today!


  2. AHHH HAAA I am so busting a gut about this! I haven't been to a gym is years (I workout everyday at home). But when I was a gymaholic I remember the wrinkly older woman. It made me feel kinda uncomfortable but I just sucked it up. I do think I would have had to say something to the thong lade though :P YUCK!

  3. Scary moments! I'm not sure if it's a lack of etiquette or they just don't care anymore. But that's not really a good excuse. There are other people out there. I can only imagine the terror you felt with a rear in the face!

    One Toe in the Water

  4. Ha!Ha! I'll have to tell my wife about this. She starts taking her Zumba class this week!!

  5. Ugh! d old woman sounds really really disgusting! no seriously, i cant get it out of my mind! I wonder how u managec to get it out of urs!

    btw found u frm Mingle Mondays at [Life of Meg]

  6. Yeah, the rear in the face was pretty traumatic, and I'm not easily offended.

    @Ross - I'm sure your wife will love zumba. Hopefully the thong story doesn't scare her off b/c it really is fun!

  7. I'm so late, but TTTTTHANKS for the award. You rock, and you rock even more so because you saw Grandma vage. Holy cow, I wouldn't be able to contain my lunch.

    I've brought panties stuck to my sweat towel to bootycamp class before. Lucky it's dark, and everyone is too miserable to notice. . . or care. :)

  8. @Rachel - You're welcome :) The panty thing could happen to anyone, but sticking your vajayjay in someone's face is pretty inexcusable!

  9. Oh my goodness, I cracked up the entire time I read this! I too get annoyed with people who dont understand gym etiquette! Like the lady at my gym who insists on staying on the stair stepper for 2 hours (there are only 3 of them) during peak gym time! Grr!!

    Congrats on your award!

  10. Thanks Shalyn :) 2 hours? The gym should be enforcing a 30 minute time limit on each machine during peak times. Unfortunately some people need rules since they're too rude to consider others on their own.

  11. LOL wow that was some bad grammar on my part! But you get the gist...

  12. As for the old ladies, I think at some point, they're just "over it" and don't worry about what people think anymore. They've seen it all and figure we've all got the same junk, so it's no biggie. The bending over, as gross as it was from your perspective, "could" have been a physical issue (speaking as someone who had 2 knee surgeries as a kid) - just sayin'.

    It's a good thing for whoever invaded your space at kick boxing that you've got good reflexes. Would not have been pleasant to take a Nike to the head! Hopefully they learned from that one quickly.

    The thong cracked me up. Reminded me of a friend who went to a party once and the host came up to her, thong in hand and said "I hope these are yours?" I don't remember how long she had been at the party, but they were clung to her backside LOL. I haven't done that yet, but I'm definitely know to be walking around and having random dryer sheets coming out of my sleeves or a pant leg. :( (#TALU)

  13. I think it has something to do with being older and bolder as Chris said. You know the saying "I shall wear purple and a red hat". It means we've lived a lot and seen it all and whatever! lol Funny story. I'm from TALU

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  15. I've been to Zumba, but no one ever lost their panties during it. LOL. The best I had was the 75 year old lady who almost killed me because I was NOT quitting before her! Gotta watch out for those old people!


  16. And this is why I don't work out. Misplaced thongs, naked lady parts in the face, stinky people standing too closely. No thanks. However, I would have loved to take some of those ice cream sandwiches off your hands! (from TALU)

  17. I need sleep. I have no idea why I put "from TALU on that comment". Good gravy.

  18. visiting from TALU: OMG I agree with so many points here! My obsession isn't stray hairs, its zits. It's like a compulsion! If my husband or teenager has one they will literally run from me because I can't stop myself from squeezing it! It's a sickness.
    I don't know if I would have claimed the thong. She was certainly bolder than I would have been.
    And I have been a victim of the elderly nudist in the locker room too! What is THAT?! do you hit sixty and lose all sense of modesty or WHAT!?


Lend me some sugar!