Linked up with Gypsy Mama's Five Minute Friday, which works like this:
"For five minutes, you simply stop, drop and write. Set your words free. Don’t edit them, don’t fret over them, don’t try to make them perfect."
This week's topic is On Waiting:
I keep waiting to be OK with God. I stopped going to church regularly in 1997, because I was just so tired from trying to reconcile my increasing doubts with my desire to believe. I was terrified. My whole identity was wrapped up in my faith, and without faith, who was I? A blank space, desperately clutching at shreds of tattered beliefs. But I never meant to leave forever and I still don't mean to. But just like the diet that never starts tomorrow, somehow I'll always get right with God tomorrow. When I get pregnant. When she's born. When I go back to work. When she can talk and she's old enough to understand. Always later. I want to believe so badly and I'm waiting and waiting for God to make me believe, because I've tried and failed. I don't want to cheat S. out of a friendship with God if she can find one. Will I let her opportunity slip away while I wait?