Today I cried at work for the first time in years. I wrote yesterday about how hard I've been working since I came back from mat leave in January. This week has been especially hellish and at a management meeting this afternoon, we had a surreal discussion about why employee engagement was so low in our area, while we sat there so exhausted we could hardly process the question. I wanted to scream "Maybe because we never acknowledge the workload might actually be too high!" The answer is always that the employees are lazy or don't care, never that the chronic stress and workload have finally taken their toll and they can't even pretend to be engaged anymore.
Normally I really enjoy my job - it's intellectually satisfying, I make a good salary (double hubby's) and I respect my colleagues. I used to cry daily when I was on mat leave because I am just not cut out for full-time stay at home mommyhood. But today sucked. J. called at 6:00 just as I was staring at my out-of-control to do list, to tell me that S. has finally learned to crawl! She's been practising and practising and I wanted to get home before she fell asleep, so I could cuddle her and clap hands at her new trick. All of a sudden, everything rushed at me and there I was, crying in my office. I was hoping no one would notice, but of course my boss picked that moment to come in, so now I have to worry about damage control from being the crybaby flake on top of everything else.
Stop the world; I want to get off.