Monday, June 27, 2011

I'm the queen of the castle

I meant to post this 10 days ago after Kari from know-it-not-so-much gave me an award, but for some reason all I wrote was "I'm the queen of the castle" in the title and then forgot to write the rest of the post.  Umm...yeah.  The queen is growing senile in her old age.  Anyway, here's my award - hurray!!  Thanks Kari!

overlord award

With the power Kari has invested in me, I get to change any three things I want to.  Leaving aside the obvious pageant winners like world peace and ending poverty, hunger and hate, here are my royal decrees:

1)  Roads would become self-aware and take over your car if you're not capable of driving it like a reasonable person.  This means if you're driving under the speed limit in the passing lane, the road will forcibly move you into the lane you're supposed to be in (hint: it's the one on the right).  If you're speeding through a school zone, the road will turn into sludge underneath you, while reaching through the window and slapping you upside the head. 

Not signaling will earn you a trip to the side of the road, where you'll be forced to move your pinky finger up and down 50 times, to build up its strength for what is obviously an incredibly difficult and strenuous task for you.  Running red lights will divert you into a ditch, where you can sit for 20 minutes or so and think about your stupidity.  Hopefully you'll only need one or two driving timeouts before you'll get the message.


2)  Calories from ice cream would evaporate from your body while sleeping and never actually take up residence in your fat cells.  Really, do I have to explain this?


3)  Automated phone systems would be outlawed.  If a company takes your money, they will be legally required to talk to you about your problem with their product.  Human to human.  Hopefully, they'll actually be able to fix the problem, but if not, at least they were forced to listen to you bitch about it.



I'm bestowing my power on the following people whose responses I'm curious to see.  Let the world-fixing begin!

8 comments:

  1. Ooooh I like these! Especially the first one!

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  2. You are brilliant! This is a post I could totally do. Give me a few days to meditate :)

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  3. Oh, those are FABULOUS ideas!! Let's get some people working on those at once!

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  4. Ohhhh...I so want that ice cream cone!

    Thank you so much, Ixy! What a fabulous award and I'm honored to be included with bloggers that I heart!

    I'll have to work hard to come up with ideas as wonderful as yours..agree completely with everything you posted!

    Many Hugs!

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  5. Wheeeeee! Thank you so much!!! I will definitely slap this bad boy on my blog...i loves me an award!

    Gotta think of some good responses - the pressure is on :)

    PS: That ice cream! HOLY HELL!!!

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  6. Wow! I'm honored to be invited, Your Highness!! And boy, I agree - this is a lot of pressure - you came up with some really good ones. Especially the traffic ones. I'll work on some others and post soon. Also looking forward to checking out all the others!!

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  7. That first one is epic... and needs to be made a reality by NASA scientists.

    Thanks for the award!!!... Now I need to get all of the cobwebs out of my brain to think up some new overlord rules.

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  8. FINALLY! Just posted my rulings: http://www.diaperstodiatribes.com/2011/07/how-psychologist-rules-world.html

    Hope you enjoy!

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Lend me some sugar!