Monday, July 18, 2011

Gas pains

Part kajillion of the farce that is my life:  you wouldn't think pumping gas would be a hazardous activity, but apparently it is for me.  Actually, the possibility of accidentally starting a fiery inferno or being shot by a deranged thief means gas stations aren't exactly havens of security.  But refueling is such a routine activity that I didn't see yet another Little Miss Whoops moment heading my way.

I always pay at the pump, so after I retrieved my violently abused credit card, I put the nozzle away and promptly walked into the gas hatch that I'd left open.  Ouch.  I slammed it shut, and got into the car, rubbing my leg and trying to look like of course I meant to leave the hatch open.  I put the key in the ignition, leaned into my seat and shrieked in agony as a burning, slicing pain exploded across my back. As I jerked forward, another white-hot stab lanced into my back.  WTF!!  All thoughts of the cars patiently waiting for me to move away from the pump were obliterated in a blaze of neurons firing down my spine.

I scrabbled desperately behind me for the source of my torment, and closed my fist around a soft, prickly sphere.  How did I get a burr on me, and why did it hurt so much?  Then the burr shook in my hand and I screamed as I flung that furious bumblebee to Timbuktu.

The drive home was unpleasant and as I leaned stiffly away from the back of the car seat, I consoled myself with the thought that at least this bee sting didn't involve the humiliation of the last one.  That marvelous experience involved junior high, a bee trapped in the fortress of my heavily Aqua-Netted bangs and the very hot older guy who lived near me.  So really, it could be worse.


  1. Ugh, I hate bees and any other bug that stings or bites. I can only imagine what it feels like to be stung in the back of all places. I have had one stuck in my heel once and was dive bombed by one while doing laundry, both of which were horrifying.

  2. Ouch! But, um, your jr high bee experience sounds TERRIBLE. Not funny AT ALL. I am NOT giggling to myself at the mental image I got while reading about it!

  3. LOL....aqua net bangs!! Thats awesome! What are the odds a bee ends up between your back and your seat? I only seen it happen once...with my mom and a yellow jacket. She is is allergic (I suddenly am too after sitting in a bees nest at 9 getting stung 42...yes 42 times)....I had to take over the car at 14 and drive her to the ER. It was crazy! So could have been worse. :)

  4. OMG - bees scare the crap out of me. I've never been stung, and your story makes me even more scared. It sounds like the worst pain ever.

    Great, now I have another reason to have to fully inspect my car before getting into it, haha

  5. oh, man, what a day! Stupid bee...stupid gas hatch.

  6. Ouch!

    My one and only bee the beach club on a crowded week-end, on my rear-end as I sat down on my beach chair. Of course, my painful screams made everyone look and, as it swelled to a red lump, I was the "butt of jokes" for the rest of the day.

    Hey, at least you remembered to close the hatch! How many people do you see, on a daily basis, driving along with the gas door open, minus the gas cap?


  7. Haha, well, it isn't funny, but how you tell it is!! Stupid bee, stupid gas station, stupid cars behind you :) Hope your day just got better from there on out!! Hey, you won the Texas, Germany, Canada prize package!! Email me when you can, and I will get this bad boy out :)
    TexaGermaNadian (at) gmail (dot) com

  8. that sounds positively awful! reminds me of when i felt a terrible pain in my back while driving, but it was caused by me throwing a cigarette butt out the window, but it swooped back in & burned a track of blackness & pain down my back. served me right.


Lend me some sugar!