Friday, July 8, 2011

I feel like I'm behind or somethin'

Let's laugh!  Here's part three of things that actually make me LOL (click links for parts one and two).  Please excuse the formatting - bulleted lists hate me.

1)     Alberta, Canada - David Zurfluh was stopped by police due to his car swerving along the highway.  He was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence, and while in the back of the patrol car he tried to eat his own underpants in order to absorb the alcohol in his system, prior to taking a breathalyzer test. He told the courts that he removed the crotch section from his underpants before trying to eat them; he spat them out moments later. A class of law students were sitting in on the case in order to get some legal experience, but they had to be removed from the courtroom by their teacher as he had difficulty trying to stop them laughing.

2)     Britney Spears stoned:


3)     Delaware County Sheriff's deputies were responding to calls about a domestic dispute early Saturday adjacent to a hall in Powell, Ohio, which is located just north of Columbus, WBNS-TV reported. A witness at the location informed police his wife, 30-year-old Stephanie Robinette, had gotten drunk during a wedding at the hall and had hit him several times before locking herself in a car.  Sheriff Walter L. Davis III told the station that the woman refused to cooperate.         

When deputies attempted to remove Robinette from the vehicle, she advised the deputies that she was a breast feeding mother and proceeded to remove her right breast from her dress and began spraying deputies and the vehicle with her breast milk, Davis said.  The deputies eventually removed Robinette from the car and she was charged with domestic violence, assault, obstructing official business, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct, WBNS-TV reported. Robinette, who is a teacher at a charter school, pleaded not guilty to the charges and was released from custody yesterday after a video arraignment.

4)     From the book Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History - excerpts from court transcripts:
  • Lawyer: "Are you sexually active?"
    Witness: "No, I just lie there."
  • Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
    Witness: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."
  • Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
    Witness: "July 15th."
    Lawyer: "What year?"
    Witness: "Every year."
  • Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
    Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
  • Lawyer: "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
    Witness: "Did you actually pass the bar exam?"
  • Accused, defending his own case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?" (The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.)
  • Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
    Witness: "No."
    Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
    Witness: "No."
    Lawyer:  "Did you check for breathing?"
    Witness: "No."
    Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
    Witness: "No."                                                                                  Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
    Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
    Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?"
    Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

5)     GREENSBURG, Pa. - A Westmoreland County jury on Friday ordered a woman to pay $46,200 to her ex-boyfriend for gluing his genitals to his abdomen. Jurors found in favor of Kenneth Slaby of Pittsburgh in his civil case against Gail O'Toole of Murrysville after three days of testimony and ordered the payment for pain, suffering and emotional distress, according to television station KDKA. 

"For all the pain and suffering I've been through, and the embarrassment, I don't think it's enough," Slaby told reporters after the verdict.

Slaby's lawsuit said the two broke up in 1999 after dating for 10 months, and he began dating someone else. After he broke up with his other girlfriend, Slaby said, O'Toole invited him over to her home on May 7, 2000, where he fell asleep.

He said he woke up to find that O'Toole had used Super Glue to stick his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish. Slaby said O'Toole told him that her actions were payback for their breakup, and he had to walk a mile to a gas station to call for help. He pressed charges and O'Toole pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and spent six months on probation.

6)     Portland, Oregon - Timothy Chapek is accused of breaking into a home on SW Rutland Terrace and then taking a shower on the same day he had been released from the Washington County Jail on a previous charge. 

At around 7 p.m., the owner came home and asked Chapek what he was doing there. That's when Chapek -- fearing the owner's two German Shepherds, as well as the possibility that the owner may have had a gun -- locked himself in the bathroom and called 911. The homeowner also called 911. 

The suspect told an operator: "I broke into a house, and the owner came home..."

The operator, incredulous, asked: "YOU broke into the home?"

The suspect said yes, then after a nervous pause, added: "...I think they have a gun."

I'm participating in Jenna's commenting challenge - check it out here!

15 comments:

  1. Hilarious stuff! we need some fun in the courtroom after a week of sorrow in the courtroom with the Anthony case. Thanks for the smiles and chuckles.

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  2. I am so laughing out loud!! I agree after the tragic embarrassment and complete mockery of our justice system we could all use a laugh!

    http://www.doreenmcgettigan.com

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  3. Oh my - I'm wiping the tears from my eyes here!! Thanks for this fabulous post. Hilarious. Shah .,X

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  4. I can't stop laughing!!! Thanks for this! I needed it!

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  5. that britney video is ridiculous!

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  6. Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

    This one was my favorite. Found you on FTLOB. Thanks for sharing. It's good to smile first thing in the morning...and yeah, it's almost 11:00 here. But it's sleep-in Sunday! :)

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  7. Haha, these are AWESOME! Especially the Alberta guy eating his underwear. I mean, I know the Canadians up here like to get drunk, but that is outta control! lol. Thanks again for linking up to the hop this weekend. Hope you enjoyed it!

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  8. HA! Hilarious! I had never seen the Britney Spears stoned video, and I'll be honest; I now feel as if I've been privy to a truly DEEP conversation.

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  9. Hahaha, these pieces are so funny! Really hilarious... I was lying under the table for a few minutes.
    I never knew that such a Britney video excisted, it's the best!
    Thanks a lot for sharing. Anytime again, 'kay?

    XOXO. Lots of love!

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  10. I live in Alberta, Canada and I just want to state that yes, we are all this stupid. :)
    Well, just the men, really.

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  11. These are hilarious! Thanks for the laughs!

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  12. I'm currently laughing my ass off. I love stuff like this. It cracks me up. Thanks

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  13. OMG! Hilarious! I love you!

    Britney stoned is just like Brit NOT stoned! :)

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Lend me some sugar!