Friday, August 19, 2011

Fawk You Friday - Crazy co-workers

I'm fortunate to have a job I really enjoy.  Not a passion by any means, but since I wasn't born into Hiltonesque luxury and have to work for a living, accounting has been a pretty good career choice for me. 

There's always a thorn on the rose though, and mine is my office next-door neighbour.  She started out as my boss and became a peer when I was promoted two years ago.  When she was my boss, her whiplash moods, lying, micromanaging and criticism of every aspect of her employees' existence (right down to how they laughed) used to enrage me to the point that I'd have to go sit in my car to calm down.  If her boss gave her a hard time about why something wasn't done, she'd blame it on her own team, another department, the plant in the corner, anyone and anything but her. 

The problem was that I really liked the company and the job itself, particularly if I could advance into some interesting areas within Finance.  Miraculously, a promotion opportunity appeared and I was so excited when I was selected as the successful candidate.  Crazy coworker was thrilled as well and even gave me a big hug. 

Overall things have gone really well in the 18 months since then, aside from this woman driving me nuts on a daily basis.  She regularly tries to dump work on me that she doesn't want to do (say for example, welcoming and providing orientation for half a day to HER new hire), and attempts to get me to do her legwork for various projects while she takes all the credit.  In case you think I'm exaggerating her aggressiveness, at the beginning of a meeting I called, she actually physically pushed herself in front of me and held up her hand for me to stop talking (I was two sentences into the introduction), while she began running her mouth.

wtf you stupid bitch!
are we at the office or playing rugby?

Her direct leader is onto her bullshit and not a big fan since she tried to steal his job while he was on secondment for a few months.  So now she ignores her boss most of the time and sucks up to his boss instead.  When I was younger I used to hope this kind of behaviour would catch up with her, but now I know better.  No doubt she'll be promoted any day now, and if I end up reporting to her again I'll be dusting off the old resume, because round two just ain't working for me.

In my previous job, I worked with a guy who would listen to loud, bass-thumping techno music in his office every day, before he got bored around 3:00 and took off.  In the summer I guess his suit was just too much to handle, because the instant he stepped out of the building (which was a public institution on a busy main road), he would...wait for it...remove his clothes!!  I am not kidding.  There he'd be, strolling down the main drive toward the parking lot with nothing on but his suit pants and his Timbaland boots (that's another story).

Believe me, I can sympathize (see my thoughts on nudity), but really.  Good Lord, at the very very least wait until you're in your car to start flashing large sections of skin.  And by the way, this was not an attractive sight.  Eventually the HR director had to inform him that the organization's dress code in fact extended throughout the property, not just while he was sitting (uselessly) in his office.

my favourite Dilbert strip ever

So what about you?  Misery loves company - tell me your crazy coworker stories!

The Fawk You Friday linky is here for those who want to share other tales of woe.


  1. I LOVE this! I mean, not because you want to knife a bitch--but because it's a great FUF!

    This is why I don't do well in the workforce. I'd probably be arrested for assault--quickly!

  2. I was a nanny for the children of an anal retentive oncologist who relaxed by...wait for it...smoking cigars.

    You are so hilarious. Thanks for stopping by 'Accidentally'.

  3. I have one of those women in my office! Well, not exactly the same, but just as homicide-inducing. My first impression of her management style came when she was emptying the recycling bins in the office - bins she'd put in everyone's office so paper would be recycled. (Part of her job is environmental stuff.) She's dumping the papers, and she says loudy, "I am paid FAR too much per hour and I am FAR too educated to be emptying the recycling bins!" If she thought that statement would result in one of us two "lesser" office workers jumping up to help her, she was sorely mistaken - her comment guaranteed I'd never empty a recycling bin during my career there, and 4 years later, I'm still holding strong to that stance.

    She's still technically my superior in the workplace, but I refuse to regard her as such, and instead conduct myself as if we're on the same level, because I don't respect her. She's attempted to punk me out a time or two, but it turns out she backs down when she can't hid behind email. Oh, and our boss has shared things with me that let me know my position in the company is solid as concrete, and she's sort of barely hanging on. Karma and whatnot.

  4. What a hilarious post! Thank you for giving me a good laugh today!

  5. I was framed for a relationship with a vulnerable adult, when that didn#t work she fiddled the time off sick levels and made all this while my mental health was seriously weakened by issues with my brother (way too long a story to go into here). So I left. Bad. If I ever saw her again I'd smack her psycho face clean off. Rant over! ;D Cheers for that. Here from B.E -


  6. I am laughing but honestly I have been there and it was awful root canal awful every day for years. I now love my day job which you can get a glimpse of here[it is called "The Forgotten Women] and then of course I have my night job writing.
    I hope your co-worker falls down an elevator shaft or something else comes your way!

  7. And this, ladies and gentlemen, this is why I don't work in an office.

    stopped in from the lbs tea party. :-)

  8. --That woman sound HORRIBLE. NEVER stick your hand in my face, bitch!
    I worked with the anti-Christ this year. In fact, I filed harassment papers against her. What the Hell is going on here. Just askin' for some R. E. S. P. E. C. T. Is that too much to ask???

  9. I'm feeling very blessed now for having left the workforce. Congrats on your promotion and that was a real b*tch for shoving you aside like that. That guy who took off his clothes - funny!! :D

  10. Wow, the best I got has been an obsessive compulsive five year old whom I swear had split personalities, but she wasn't my boss.
    At the very least, makes for good stories, right?

  11. I work with 6 sales guys. One has this disgusting habit of flossing his teeth while walking around the office then flicking it at me. OMG!!! I keep a supply of stress balls in my desk and the last time he did this I nailed him in the crotch with one. He hasn't done it again since.

  12. Hey I am visiting from The Lady Bloggers and poked around quite a bit till I found you and love it! I love the candor! I work with a few you might be able to straighten out for me!


Lend me some sugar!