Saturday, September 24, 2011

Hey Brad Pitt...your sensitivity chip is missing

Today's public service announcement is brought to you by me, Azara, based on a lifetime of exposure to the disease of insensitivity.  Please forward this announcement to those who need to see it.

If you feel the beginnings of any of the following sentences or phrases trembling on your lips, STOP.  There is a high likelihood the person you're speaking to will think something along the lines of the comments in brackets below.

1)  "When are you due?" (You asshole.  I am pregnant with last night's buffet dinner and ice cream, not an actual baby.)

2)  "When are you going to have a (first, second, whatever) baby?  You should start trying now, because you're not getting any younger!"  (You asshole.  I actually started trying a few months back, but the baby just died.  Thanks for asking.  I hadn't noticed that my fertility will start dropping like a stone shortly, and this might have been my last chance to have another/any child.  Thanks for reminding me of that too.)

3)  "Oh, you cut your hair.  I liked it better the old way."  (You asshole.  It's my hair and WTF am I supposed to do about it now anyway?  Glue the strands back on my head?)

4)  "That's so retarded/gay."  (You asshole.  My child, sister, brother, parent has to deal with enough discrimination and cruelty every day.  Don't add to the world's ignorance by mocking my loved one's existence and equating it with stupidity.)

5)  "Why shouldn't I park in the handicapped parking spot?  I'm only going to be a few hours."  (You asshole.  Arrogance and selfishness are not disabilities qualifying you for special parking.)

6)  "But if I stay in the right lane, someone might expect me to move over to let them onto the highway.  And then I might have to move my pinky and signalling is really gruelling.  I'll just stay here in the passing lane going at or under the speed limit for the next 100 km."  (You asshole.  We will all get together and force you off the road into the ditch where you belong, since you clearly haven't grasped how to drive on the actual road.)

7)  "My employer wants to cut my 30 free sick days every year down to 20!  And even though I have no post-secondary education, I'm entitled to a $30/hour salary with 10% raises every year!  And if I don't get my way, I'm going to throw a temper tantrum on strike to inconvenience the customers who pay my bloated salary as much as possible.  What economic crisis?  What do you mean some people don't have jobs at all?"  (You entitled asshole.  We have labour laws to protect real worker rights, and most people would be thrilled to have half the benefits you do.  Hopefully your company goes out of business thanks to your bullshit, and you'll find out how the rest of the working world functions.  Good luck with that.)

See there are these things called "other people," and they have "feelings."  If you have any interest in being a full-fledged member of the human race, some consideration of others is necessary.  Find your filter and use it.  Do you really want everyone you meet to be humming this song as they walk away from you?


  1. #4: THANK YOU. (Says the parent of a child with Down syndrome, who never realized how offensive the sentiment behind use of that word was, until my girly-girl came along.)

  2. Great rant. I hate it when people say 'I speak my mind'. What they usually mean is that they are an insensitive sociopath who doesn't possess the usual filters that people use to not hurt each others feelings.

  3. @Tony- Oh, yeah....and "I keep it real" usually means that too! Because apparently "real" and "totally jerktastic" mean the same thing to those people

  4. you're hitting it right on the head with so many of those! i didn't used to realize how offensive the retard word is to throw casually around until it turned out that my sister would technically qualify.
    i know you're hurting, but you're still managing to post good things. way to be an overacheiver!

  5. Great, great rant. I couldn't agree more with everything you said. Get out of my head :) I especially loved No. 4. Amen.

  6. I would LOVE if you actually showed up with your hair clippings glued to the top of your head for the next encounter with that particular asshole.

  7. #1 goes into a huge line of pregnancy rants I have (and I've never even been pregnant!!) - it's like when random people go up to someone and touch their belly...I mean really? You think that's totally ok???

    MYOFB assholes!!!


Lend me some sugar!