Friday, September 9, 2011

Very low customer demand

Either I have dreadful taste, or I'm just so special and unique that no one else can appreciate things like I do.  From make-up to food, if I take a liking to something, it doesn't have much time left.  With no warning or chance for me to stock up for the future, it will be taken away, never to be seen again outside my dreams. 

So here's a little tribute to a few of the wonderful things The Market has pried from my grubby little hands:

  • "Grass" perfume by Gap.  You disappeared from Canada over a decade ago and I haven't smelled that great since.  When I saw you at Grove City in Pennsylvania, I thought it was some kind of scent mirage and piled you into my bag with tears of joy.  But now I've only got one of you left... 

  • Dirt'n'Worms; X-Mint; and Ebony and Ivory ice cream from Baskin Robbins.  You took me through many a marathon study session and provided countless post-workout treats.  Alas, the market prefers flavours like green tea for their long-term ice cream needs.  I've managed to recreate Dirt'n'Worms at home, but the other flavours are lost to my forlorn tongue forever.  I miss you, X-Mint.
  • Ryka N Gage Instructor cross-trainers.  For the first time since Nike took away my favourite running shoes in 2000, I actually did a high-impact aerobics class without feeling like my knees and ankles were going to collapse in agony beneath me.  We had two wonderful years together and now you're gone.  Your replacement sucks and my ankles are still aching from yesterday's zumba class.  I blame Kelly Ripa.


  • Rusk Being Wild.  The only frizz fighting product that has ever worked on my defective, Ugly Betty-like hair.  Apparently no one else has hair quite like mine, because now I can only find you on ebay at horrifying prices.  Guess every day's gonna be a bad hair day soon.


  • Olive dress pants.  I had a nice pair of you for work 5 years ago, but spilled grease on you in my usual clumsy fashion.  I was annoyed, but didn't realize I might never have nice neutral olive pants again.  I have been unable to find you since ruining that first pair, except the short, elastic-waist kind my great-grandma might wear.  I know you exist in some dimension - I just can't find you.  This is what I want (butt included please!), although a little less form-fitting for work:


  • The local women's only gym.  You were the best gym I've ever been to, and I've been to a lot.  A perfect schedule, affordable fees, knowledgeable desk staff and fantastic, friendly instructors.  After you'd been in business for 25 years, I joined your little slice of workout heaven.  Two years later, you were gone.  Goodlife has half the class selection, much higher fees, rude and clueless desk staff and freakishly robotic, impersonal instructors.  But apparently that's what the market wanted, because now it's the only chain of gyms available within 40 km.


  • Notes from the Underbelly TV show.  I've stopped watching new TV shows until they've been out for a few seasons, since everything I start watching invariably gets cancelled (Girls Club, you were way better than Lipstick Jungle!  But guess which one got the axe...)



And the most recent victim:  Doritos Late Night Cheeseburger chips. 


You were the best chips I've ever had but our time together has ended.  Most infuriating is that you still exist, but all the grocery stores in our area have removed you, as explained by Zehrs:

Dear Ms. Azara,

Thank you for taking the time to write to us. I would like to apologize in the delay in responding to your email, as we are experiencing a higher than normal volume of emails.

We do try to offer a range of products that will meet the needs and tastes of all our customers, and we do review all products on a regular basis to ensure their suitability. However, in evaluating this particular product, the Doritos All-nighter Cheeseburger chips, we found that there is currently very low customer demand for it, and as a result the decision was made to no longer offer it as part of our regular inventory. 

I know this is not the answer you were looking for and I apologize for the inconvenience this may have caused you and your family. We certainly understand your disappointment, and can assure you that your comments have been forwarded to the appropriate department for further review and consideration.

Yours Sincerely,

President's Choice service representative

 This is why people become hoarders.



11 comments:

  1. What the? Cheeseburger Doritos??? I feel like I've totally missed out on a really super important moment in life. Like the Prom. Or losing my virginity. And now, I'll never know the deliciousness that was cheeseburger Doritos.

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  2. This is the most fun I've had reading a blog post in quite a while. LOVE the hoarders comment. :) As for the hair product...I am *sooooooo* in sympathy! At the moment Fructis seems to be working reasonably well, so I'm holding my breath and crossing my fingers!

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  3. I discovered that I only like soon-to-be obsolete products like Bath and Body Works Strawberry Lemonade lotion and pretty much ANY makeup that doesn't make my skin break out. I just don't understand. Those bastards.

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  4. What a classic post!! It's probably too late but Chicos made a great pair of olive slacks. I wore mine until I gained too much weight. Sigh.

    The favorite thing that went away? Lemongrass & Sage hand lotion from Bath & Bodyworks. I actually cut the tube in half to scrape out the last drops.

    Visiting from W.O.E

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  5. If you ever spill grease on something again, dump some baby powder on it and let it sit for a couple days before washing it. Works like a charm. This trick has saved many articles of clothing for us.

    My favourite discontinued items are Bob's Red Mill 8-grain porridge, un-petroleum jelly, and Burt's Bees deodorant and bug spray. I figured out how to make my own version of the deodorant, but still haven't figured out the bug spray.

    It IS frustrating! And that letter PC sent you... GRRR! I'm sure it did nothing at all to quell the frustration. Would only have made it worse for me.

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  6. Those sound AWESOME! Boo for them not stocking them. They are missing out on a great opportunity to please you and probably some late night stoners, haha, just kidding. Curious about that grass perfume...

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  7. Great post! And once again, I feel like we're the same person, because this SAME THING happens to me. My much-lamented discontinued item of choice? Doo-Dads. A snack mix that Chex Mix will never truly live up to.

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  8. I think we still have those Doritos! But there are so many kinds of Doritos, I could be making it up.

    John Frieda used to make this AMAZING hair spra called Ocean Waves. The smell was amazing, the effect was amazing, the price was amazing...and then BAM it was ripped off the shelves and out of my life faster than the speed of light. Like your hair stuff, I can find it on Ebay for serious change, but I don't know why they can't just bring it back. I've even e-mailed them and pleaded for them to bring it back but with no success. Why do they do that?!

    Sad.

    Hope you're well :)

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  9. Fun post, Ixy!

    My Grandkids looooove McCain's Smiley Fries, especially my two Florida boys but...they aren't available in Florida. When they visit me, I stock up and always stick a frozen bag in their suitcase when they fly back home. I decided to contact McCain about this issue and sure didn't get a response like yours about the Doritos. McCain simply said..."we don't sell our products in Florida"..and that was it! Screw you, McCains!

    Now..hair. That's my line of business!

    I've done platform work with Rusk and their products are good, mainly for heavy, frizzy hair but, there are plenty of others, although some are a little pricey.
    Eufora makes a Smoothing Balm...in a pump bottle, Pure Polish, Illuminate Mist. Very nice!
    Aquage has a Smoothing Shampoo, Silkening Oil Treatment and their Biomega line offers Silk Shampoo and Intensive Conditioner for your type of hair. Very nice!

    Stay away from the Biosilk line..Silk Therapy especially. Since Farouk (along with Paul Mitchell, etc.) compromised its standing in the professional stylist world by allowing its products to hit supermarkets and other stores, the ingredients changed, with higher amounts of alcohol and water added; when this happens, hair suffers. Sadly, consumers are paying more for watered-down products that do less, even end up causing damage to hair.

    My hair lecture is now...over!

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  10. The actual trendiest athletic shoes inside the sneaker community presently usually are Supra Athletic shoes. Supra Skytop II introduced with 2005 any time Angel Cabada chose to extended their curiosity about producing great, in vogue apparel to incorporate athletic shoes.

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  11. I need to get me some of that Rusk being wild! I have a bad case of the frizz. Thanks for linking up!

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Lend me some sugar!