Friday, September 23, 2011


I kind of feel sorry for anyone reading my blog right now, because mood swings would be a kind way to describe my behaviour lately, in real and virtual life.  The thing is, I don't know how to do this.  I'm fortunate to have had little experience with grief until now so I'm just staggering around blindly in this darkness. 

I don't want to burden others with my sadness and despite being a TMI queen, something in me shrinks at making this experience any more public than it already is.  One of the things I'm thankful for is that I wasn't far enough along for everyone at work to know, and I don't have to deal with pitying looks and awkward reactions every day.  I can just pretend it never happened.

Which is what brought me to yesterday and several other moments of sudden, intense grief, where I find myself crying uncontrollably with little warning.  Somehow I have to find a way to acknowledge my sadness without letting it consume me.  When I laugh or have a good time somewhere, I feel horribly guilty.  How can I be happy when my baby just died?  Don't I care?  Intellectually I know this isn't reasonable, but my heart needs to catch up with my head.

Most of all, I'd like to say a heartfelt thank you for all of the kind comments and messages you've sent me in the last few weeks.  Your words really were a comfort to me, and I never thought I could feel so encouraged and supported by people I've known for such a short time, and haven't met in real life.  Thank you!!

So a few weeks ago, I read this bizarre story that was too good to keep to myself.  Here's a summary:

An economics professor is making the case for legal protections against looks-challenged people.

Writing an op-ed for the New York Times, University of Texas professor Daniel Hamermesh cites findings that good-looking people make more money, find higher-earning spouses, and get better mortgage deals. One study shows American workers assessed as being in the bottom seventh in terms of looks earn about $230,000 less in a lifetime than similar workers in the top third of looks.

Hamermesh offers a solution: Protect ugliness with small extensions of the Americans With Disabilities Act. Ugly people could get help from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. “We could even have affirmative-action programs for the ugly,” he suggests.

How would legal decision-makers determine ugliness? It’s not that difficult, Hamermesh says. “For purposes of administering a law, we surely could agree on who is truly ugly, perhaps the worst-looking 1 or 2 percent of the population.”

Hamermesh goes on to cite a counterargument: Expanding rights to help another protected group would be a further drain on government resources, possibly reducing protections for other groups.

“You might reasonably disagree and argue for protecting all deserving groups,” Hamermesh says. “Either way, you shouldn’t be surprised to see the United States heading toward this new legal frontier.”

Obviously this is an entertaining piece of freakonomics, but if you think about it seriously, he does have a point. Maybe we could offer free plastic surgery to those who really got screwed in the gene pool, just to even things out. What do you think?


  1. Honey Girl, from the sounds of things and the enormity of what you've been through recently, I think you are handling yourself beautifully.

    As for the the author hideous? Just sayin'...

  2. Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry!! Hugs to you

  3. Obviously I've fallen behind with my reading. I'm so sorry. Truly. Regardless of how far along you were, it's heartbreaking nonetheless.

    This article just made me wonder about the people who would qualify without even trying. The people who don't know they're hideous specimens of the human race. What a shock that would be to find out all of a sudden you qualify for help because you're so incredibly fugly.

  4. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to grieve. We all process things they way we need to in the time we need to take. Finding those 'normal' moments in the day is what allows us to keep going. (I hope I sound better than Lucy in Peanuts with her 5 cent psychology stand)

    Now. As for that article: that might be a time when you actually want people to call you ugly? Strange but true.

  5. I'm so sorry, no matter what this sucks. I hope you start to feel better, but until you do, go ahead and wallow in your grief, you have every right to.

  6. We all grieve differently, there isn't a rulebook for it. You need to cry otherwise it feels like a clenched fist at the base of yout throat.

  7. This is the first I've heard of your tragedy as I haven't been keeping up with blog life as well as I used to. My heart is truly saddened for you! I once read that when things like this happen the soul that was about to enter this world just decided it wasn't ready yet and more often than not they come back to you when the time is right. I'm not sure if this helps much, but it brings me a little comfort knowing this might be true in your case. Although like Anastasia said, "This sucks no matter what!" *Hugs*

  8. I think grief is as different as people are.. you grieve however you do. sending you much love nad hugs..
    the article umm I have a few in mind who would qualify..

  9. Not that I can pretend I know what you are going through but I think laughter is just as important to healing as crying is. Just like in mourning there's a time where you just want to be alone and a time where you just want to talk about it. I'm sorry for your loss.


Lend me some sugar!