Monday, October 8, 2012

It's just math

I suck at math. This isn't a big political statement; it just is. In grade 10, we were given a pop quiz in early September so the teacher could see what we had retained from the previous school year. I got 8.5 out of 88. And I answered every question! The teacher (Mr. Toogood - I am not making that up) wrote in furious red pencil at the top of the page: "Surely you know how to do fractions!" Clearly not.

With this track record, I shouldn't have been so offended when my mom burst out laughing when I told her I had decided to become an accountant, instead of a lawyer or editor, and I was switching my major from English to Business. One chartered accountant designation later, all I can say is thank God for calculators. What a sad little statement that is...

Apparently it's not just my brain that can't count, but my body as well.  In the last five days, I have burned 3,747 calories (3,500 = 1 pound) according to my heart rate monitor. And yes, that's net of my BMR - this ain't my first time to the weight-loss rodeo. I remember when Renee Zellweger smugly explained how easy it was for her to lose her Bridget Jones weight: "It's just math." Except when your body magically turns a 3,747 caloric deficit into 2 pound GAIN instead of a 1 pound loss. GRRR!!!

I love exercise, so this setback had no impact on my newborn workout routine. Unfortunately the ice cream got slammed. On the positive side, it's Thanksgiving today so all the stores are closed and I can't buy any more sugar therapy, forcing me to calm down and try to get re-motivated on the diet side. Ugh. Why do I suck at math?

And fuck you, Bridget Jones. 125 pounds is NOT fat.

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Lend me some sugar!