The problem with being a former knobby-kneed wonder is that I want to shriek at everyone who sees me: "I don't really look like this! I'm wearing a fat suit for an anti-bullying documentary and you'd better be nice because the hidden camera is tracking your every smirk, bub!" Except I can't get the damn suit off and my knees have been knobless for a good 10 years now. Since the 28 pounds are more like 48 if you want to go back to university days, which I do. Oh God, do I.
So it's put up or shut up time. The baby shop is closed and I need to decide if this is the ass I want to haul around for the next 40 years. I'm thinking no. In which case it's time to dig out the heart rate monitor and get