Sunday, November 25, 2012

Interrupted

I haven't done a stream of consciousness type of post in awhile, but the prompt today caught my eye.

 
 
So here are five minutes worth of unedited writing on the following topic: "I'm annoyed by..."
 
*GO*
 
Confession. This is the fourth time today I have tried to write this post. Not because I can't let go of my internal editor enough to write, although that happens sometimes. But because I've been interrupted every time I've tried to write this, by my husband or the kids. And this is what annoys me: that I can't get five minutes straight of peace to just sit and be still with my thoughts. I know there will come a time when I'll wish for these interruptions, when I'd give anything to hear my husband's voice again or feel a small hand tugging at me to come and dance. But in this moment, annoyed is too mild a word for what I feel. Exhausted. Strained as taut as can be, everything about mothering small children against my basic nature, which craves solitude and silence. I'm doing the best I can and trying to make sure my best is good enough for them. It takes everything I have, leaving me empty and stretched to my limits physically, emotionally, spiritually. I hope I don't break.

*STOP*

I think this is why I don't do these very often - they tend to be depressing and I get tired of moping around all "woe is me". I'll look at the bright side: one more NaBloPoMo post put to bed.


13 comments:

  1. I wish so much that I had kids, but in the meantime, until I either have them or adopt them, I appreciate that I get just about as much quiet time as I want when I'm at home. I love it!

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    Replies
    1. Savor every moment while you have it!

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  2. Only five more to go! It's hard, exhausting raising young kids. Time flies by in a blink and it gets easier day by day. Take rest whenever you can can get it. I found it difficult because I, too, crave solitude and silence. I get it now but I'd like to see my kids more. Have a peaceful night after your chores are done (twitter)!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't believe I made it this far in NaBloPoMo! It's been hard but fun too. What you said about wanting to see your kids more - that's the frustration for me. I wish life could be a little more balanced.

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  3. Those kinds of interruptions would wholly annoy me, too. In fact, they do. Of course, that doesn't really stop me from interrupting my husband. I guess I shouldn't get too annoyed. :)

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    Replies
    1. Really it's partly my fault. I should just say that I need a few minutes and my husband would respect that and keep the kids from bothering me. And it's always different when you do it, right? ;)

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  4. Oh do I know this feeling. You are not alone! Our streams of consciousness are twinning!

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    Replies
    1. I feel so guilty for wanting that time, but I really need it for my mental health. Glad I'm not the only one.

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  5. I don't know how all you mothers cope with the constant interruptions - I wasn't blessed with kids but the one big silver lining is that I can work on things for pretty much as long as I want! Hope you have a lovely week.

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    Replies
    1. It's definitely frustrating, but I know it won't be like this forever.

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    ReplyDelete

Lend me some sugar!