Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The crazy train is ready to roll

Yesterday Jay and I celebrated our eighteen year anniversary. We dated for 10 years before we got married, so every year we celebrate both our wedding anniversary (August 13) and our "real" anniversary (November 27), which is the day we first kissed. Cuz we're all romantic like that.

Jay carrying me lovingly through a forest like a sack of potatoes when we first met.
 
Previous anniversary celebrations have included trips and tattoos, but this year we decided to keep it simple and have a nice dinner out, just the two of us. We made reservations at a reasonably nice restaurant, I brushed my hair and put on actual clothes, and we set out for some steak and non-baby-focused conversation.
 
The restaurant we went to turns into a nightclub on Friday and Saturday nights and the dining section is partially open to the dance floor on the main level. They often host corporate and other functions in their private rooms. As we drove into the parking lot, we were surprised by how busy it was on a Tuesday evening in November, but weren't concerned since we had reservations. When we walked in the door, the hostess rushed toward us asking, "Are you with the cycling club?"
 
*Warning - offensive opinions coming. I really, really don't like cyclists as a group (not you specifically...probably). It enrages me that cyclists feel entitled to push their hobby on the 98% of people who drive to work in my suburban city. I get stabby when cyclists start preaching about how the rest of us just need to get our fat asses out of our gas-guzzling cars and the earth would be saved.
 
Get a fucking clue. I am a professional with two kids who lives 20 kilometres away from my employer and daycare in Canada, home of the 35 degree summers and -20 degree winters. Are you actually suggesting that I put on my suit, sling my files around my neck, pack my infant and toddler into one of those kiddy bike trailers and ride for two hours through rush hour traffic to the daycare, my frostbitten children skidding around in the slushy road behind me? Bikes belong on trails and sidewalks, not roads. Period. In a collision between a bike and a pedestrian, the pedestrian doesn't usually end up in the morgue.
 
Back to our lovely anniversary night out. We informed the hostess that we were definitely not with the cycling club and were ushered to a very comfy booth, where our server asked what we wanted to drink. As I mentioned a few posts ago, I rarely drink, so I decided to take advantage of the occasion and have a strawberry daiquiri with my steak (wine, schmine. I wanted a daiquiri so that's what I got). It was so good. Yum!
 
 the culprit
 
We were halfway through our meal when the music went quiet and a microphone came on. This is when we discovered that the restaurant had given the dance floor and main section of the club to the cycling group, which was directly on the other side of our booth. A Powerpoint slide came up on a large screen and a voice boomed out: "We'll start with a message from the founder of Share the Road, before moving on to the presentations and other remarks." Jay and I gaped at each other in horror. This was like a pair of Satanists stumbling into an Easter service.
 
As we rushed through the rest of our meal, trying not to hear the ridiculous propaganda invading our ears, one of the kitchen staff suddenly appeared at our table, plunked down another strawberry daiquiri and announced it was on the house since he "had it left over anyway". At this point I forgot that my anti-depressant medication significantly amplifies the effect of alcohol, and in my haste to escape the cyclist cult, gulped down the entire second drink in the time it took Jay to look at the bill.
 
Fortunately for everyone involved, I'm a very cheerful drunk. I promptly began singing and giggling as Jay hustled me out of the restaurant, where I observed the parking lot full of cars and yelled happily, "Where are all the fucking bikes NOW?" before staggering off toward our car. On the way I caught sight of the word "slow" painted on the asphalt and began shouting "Wols! Wols! Wols!" before erupting into peals of maniacal laughter at my great wit.
 
Somehow I got into the car without falling down and continued to entertain Jay by clapping wildly off-beat to Trespassing by Adam Lambert, then caroling along to Cuckoo - "Walk that walk like you don't give a fuck" - out the window at other startled motorists.
 
 
  
 
At some point I sobered up enough that I was able to avoid terrorizing our babysitter when we got home, and luckily Jay found the whole thing hilarious rather than being offended that I had gotten trashed at our anniversary dinner. It was a great night and I'm already looking forward to the next one. Cyclists not included.

28 comments:

  1. Wow. Just two daiquiris, huh? Congrats on your anniversary!

    Glad you were able to enjoy it a little and that Jay found it hilarious. Really I think the restaurant ought to have warned you when you made the reservations - or at least before you were seated. Ugh.

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    1. I kind of thought that too. Our server apologized to us, but if the speeches had started at the beginning of our meal, we would have been pretty annoyed. We went to the trouble of getting a babysitter so we could have a quiet romantic meal and I don't know why they didn't have the cycling club in a private room.

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    2. Right?! Isnt that what private rooms are for?

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  2. Dinner with cyclists would be this fatty's worst nightmare! Happy anniversary!!

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  3. OK, so you are an anti-cyclamite! You have just lost a follower. Some of my best friends are cyclers! How dare you!!!




    Actually I know what you mean, I hate any "better than you group." YOur observation of no bikes in the parking lot was spot on! I might be a closet anti-cyclamite. Don't cyclamites cause cancer?

    Still following btw.

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    1. HAHA!! I just don't react well to zealots of any type - preachy people bring out my rebellious streak. I have strong opinions, but I can see the grey in virtually any issue so I generally try not to inflict those opinions on how others live their lives.

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  4. Happy Anniversary, Happy ICLW, and thank you for leaving such an awesome comment on my blog! <3

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  5. Anti-depressant that increase the effects of alcohol? Like that was a mistake. I can just see the pharmaceutical scientists now standing around the lab saying "Hey you know what would really make those depressed people happy? What if we made a drug that increased the effects of alcohol? Yeah, that would make the world a better place, let's do it!!"

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    1. Hey! So glad to see you again :) I took a 6-month break from blogging and then when I moved my blog I stopped being able to comment on blogs with certain settings, including yours. Drove me nuts reading your updates and not being able to chime in. But I figured out a way around it so will be stopping by again regularly.

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  6. Cyclists on roads that were built for cars drive me crazy, and we have tons of them in Austin. I wish they would get their Spandexed butts off the six-inch shoulder of our country road and on to a BIKE TRAIL. Happy Anniversary; loved this post!

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    1. Thanks! We have great trails in our community, so I don't know why anyone would want to ride in traffic instead. I just don't get it.

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  7. I love a good strawberry dacquiri. Two are even better. Happy anniversary!

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    1. It was so, so good. Sometimes they're kind of like a big slushie, but this one (oops two :)) was very nicely made.

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  8. That is a fantastic story. You know what's funny? My husband feels the SAME way about cyclists...he is rabid about it, and thinks they are a clueless, entitled bunch of idiots. I have to keep my mouth shut, since I have some friends who are cyclists. What a hilarious story. Glad your husband was a good sport about it. I always love your posts!

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    1. Of course as soon as I wrote it, I felt bad because I do know (nice) people who really enjoy riding their bikes in traffic. But still...not a fan of cyclists in general.

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  9. First of all, happy anniversary! Second, I'm with you -- bicycles belong on trails. In fact, where I live, it's...well, not enforced, but there's a city ordinance that states that anyone over the age of 12 is not allowed to ride on the sidewalks. I'm glad you had a great time :)

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    1. We have the same sidewalk law and I don't understand it at all. If bikes are going to be allowed anywhere other than a trail, it should be on the sidewalk rather than the road. In our suburban city there are way more cars on the road than pedestrians on the sidewalk. And again, a collision between a bike and a car is more likely to seriously injure or kill someone than a collision between a bike and a pedestrian.

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  10. I love that photo! And wonder who was the photographer? Happy anniversary! Here's to many more (anniversaries and daiquiris!).

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    1. We were camping with a group of friends, and one of them snapped this photo. I've always loved it.

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    1. Isn't it? I love how the sun shines through the trees.

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  12. Jay probably loved it. You made things exciting after 18 (plus!) years together :) But, really, why in the world didn't he cyclist group get a private room somewhere? So weird that the restaurant would allow that.

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    1. Yeah, we were kind of shocked. We should have complained, but I didn't feel like arguing with the restaurant on our special occasion.

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  13. New follower! Found you the the "I Love My Post" hop! Love your blog and the fact that it has real CONTENT! Plus, I totally agree with you on the cyclist thing!!!

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    1. Thank you so much - what a great compliment! Nice to meet you :)

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Lend me some sugar!