Monday, December 10, 2012

How to stick to your diet

I was so inspired by Sherilin at laughing my abs off's amazing weight loss that I want to try once again to revive my flatlining post-partum diet. In order to distract myself from actually eating, I've decided to join up with Stasha's Monday Listicles on food. The following list alternates between the most delicious and revolting foods I can think of. Yum!


1) Steak
A perfectly broiled juicy steak is a mouthwatering way to celebrate a special occasion. Even better when it comes with green beans and garlic mashed potatoes on the side. Mmm, I can almost smell it now.

http://blog.rumourssteakhouse.com
 
2) Spiders
 The other day I came across an article discussing the Thailand delicacy of deep-fried tarantulas served with coconut cream and lime juice. I was so traumatized I had to eat a whole carton of the next food on the list just to cleanse my mental palate.
 
http://www.cnngo.com
 
3) Ice cream
The ultimate comfort food, like an orgasm for my tastebuds. So.good.

http://www.free-extras.com

4) Goat head
A few weeks ago I was watching TLC's new show, Extreme Cheapskates, and saw some guy cook up a goat's head for dinner, which effectively put an end to my own dinner. That's one way to stick to my diet.

 
Sorry this is blurry. But really, isn't that for the best?
 
5) Caesar salad
The perfect starter to that gorgeous steak above? A crisp, garlicky caesar salad, topped with real bacon and reggiano cheese. Oooohhhh.
 
http://www.yelp.ca

6) Onions
 I have a wholly undeserved reputation as a picky eater. It's not true. Unfortunately I have a violent, stomach-emptying reaction to something that amateur chefs everywhere like to use to destroy perfectly good meals. You can't just pick onions out of the food either. Like a rotten apple, once they've seeped into a dish it's ruined and nothing can be done but throw it out. Or grit your teeth while trying not to hurl all over your host's table, since regurgitating that carefully prepared dish would probably be ruder than not eating it in the first place.
 
http://www.sodahead.com
Something that makes you cry while preparing it should give you a hint it wasn't meant to be eaten.
 
7) Garlic bread with cheese and bacon.
 Pretty much anything with cheese and bacon is a good thing.
 
http://www.jetspizza.com
 
8) Scallops
 Shortly after the crabmeat incident, I tried scallops. Since I was in public I couldn't express my true feelings. Let's just say I plan on sticking to shrimp and fish from now on.
 
http://www.deerholme.com
Too bad it doesn't taste as good as it looks.
 
9) La Rocca's Truffle Royale cake
 The best dessert ever, except maybe my mom's Cardboard (like s'mores with custard), which she refuses to make more than once every few years.
 
 
10) Mold
One time I ate a piece of bread that the tag said was good for another two days. It looked fine on one side, but the other side...yark.
 
 
I had to end on something gross to keep my appetite down after looking at all this delicious food. In fact, I should print out the even numbers on this list and tape them to my fridge. Between the tarantula and the goat head I might never eat again.

30 comments:

  1. WITH COCONUT CREAM!!?? How gross!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know - it's downright barbaric! And lime juice too!

      Delete
  2. I like the food you listed that was meant to be delicious like the steak, ice cream, your mom's delicious sounding dessert, etc. I can pass on the other things too like the tarantula, goats head, etc. I'm with you too about the onions; they leave me with terrible indigestion so I try to avoid them if possible. My MIL used to cook with them in everything, it was a challenge to eat at her place; I used to rely a lot on Tums ;)

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad to hear from someone else who doesn't like onions! I've thought for some time I must be a freak of nature, since many cooks put them in everything.

      Delete
  3. I'm not sure you could possibly pick anything more revolting than your even numbers (except onions; those I don't mind).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really am considering putting them up on my fridge. The only thing is the trauma of looking at them might have the unintended effect of driving me toward my comfort foods even more.

      Delete
  4. Azara, I so love your dieting strategy of alternating with things you hate! I might never eat again after seeing tarantula appetizers. I also can't eat scallops. I used to love them but once got food poisoning and haven't been able to eat them ever since. But now, it might be time for peppermint candy ice cream, providing I can get that mold image out of my mind!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My wonderful husband is running out for candy cane ice cream right now! I know different cultures have different tastes, but it does boggle my mind that anyone would see a giant hairy spider and think, "well, that looks like it would be tasty!"

      Delete
  5. I'll have a seven followed by a three please. Bacon. Ice cream. Yes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Apparently someone out there has made bacon-flavoured ice cream. I'm not sure about that. I think that may be taking it one step too far, but if given the chance I would definitely try it!

      Delete
  6. Perhaps if the goat head was wrapped in bacon and sprinkled with cheese?
    Love me some ice cream, but I don't think I could enjoy candy cane flavored.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think even cheese and bacon could salvage a goat head. Yikes. My sister hates the candy cane ice cream; she thinks it's revolting. All the more for me!

      Delete
  7. I love onions. we grill or fry them as a snack! HAHAHA I know a lot of people though who dont like them

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My sister-in-law likes her pizza with just cheese and onions. Nothing else. I can hardly watch her eating it; it turns my stomach that much.

      Delete
  8. I saw an episode of Extreme Cheapskates once. This woman actually dumpster dived for food! Yuck! I don't even want to know where this guy got the goat's head.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I saw that one too. And then she served the dumpster food to her poor guests! These people are just crazy. He got the goat's head at the butcher; at least he didn't pick it up on the side of the road or something.

      Delete
  9. Hey! It's MarlaJan over at Luck Fupus. I've replied to the comments you've left via email, but I'm not sure if you've gotten them. Someone told me some people are "No-reply bloggers" and any responses I write back to them go into the black hole of the bloggy world. Sorry, I'm new at this! I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you!

    And the goat head episode was gross!! Isn't he the same guy that would ride his bike everywhere and look in cushions at diners for money?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi MarlaJan! Glad to hear from you. I've had trouble with my comment settings, so unfortunately I didn't get your e-mails :(. It would show as "no-reply" even though I had the setting on "show e-mail". Argh! Blogger is so frustrating sometimes. It seems to be showing my e-mail now though, so I should get any future replies.

      Yes! That is the guy who looked in cushions for money, which was relatively tame compared to what some of the other extreme cheapskates did. When you refuse to use toilet paper, something has really gone wrong with your mental state.

      Delete
  10. you're on a great track when you're making yourself think of yucky stuff so you won't eat the delish stuff. i hope it'll all become a collage of good choices and positive changes in your weeks to come. =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the encouragement Sherilin! I just need to get back into my old habits. I hope I can do it.

      Delete
  11. Funny! I'm with you on onions. I like the taste but my stomach wants nothing to do with them. Let's just stick with desserts and the hell with the rest. BTW, I need the recipe for your mom's Cardboard cake. Stat!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've asked her to send it over. I'm not much of a cook or baker, but I think it's pretty easy to make.

      Delete
  12. I saw that horrible show about eating goat head! Made me throw up in my mouth yuck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was so awful I couldn't even look at the screen once I realized what he was going to do.

      Delete
  13. Great take on the list. Good luck with your weight loss. Slow and steady wins the race. And funny girls should also get to be skinny girls. ; ) Erin

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ha! "Something that makes you cry while preparing it should give you a hint it wasn't meant to be eaten."

    How do you have goat head, moldy bread, and spiders on the same list as that truffle cake? :) Ellen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's just wrong, isn't it? I had to intersperse disgusting food with things I liked in order to keep my appetite down. It worked!

      Delete
  15. I am stronger then I though. If the terms and conditions to eating that cake were to watch goat's head boil for an hour I would totally do it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But imagine the smell! I don't know...

      Delete

Lend me some sugar!