This is what I listen to when my mood ring says:
1) Joyful. Here's "Ode to Joy" by Beethoven in one of my favourite movies, Dead Poets Society.
2) Grieving. I've cried so many times in the raw howl of this song, finding healing in the release. It's "Soma" by The Smashing Pumpkins.
3) Loving. I'm an unabashed romantic and where others roll their eyes and snicker at "sappy drama," I'm on the edge of my seat, enraptured by the passion. "I Want to Spend My Lifetime Loving You" by Tina Arena and Marc Anthony was the backdrop for Jay's and my first dance at our wedding:
4) Rage. I swear when I'm pissed off (and excited, startled, happy, sad...fuck it, all the time). Don't click if that's a problem for you: "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit.
5) Playful. This song is pure happy times to me. The whole world feels bright while I'm dancing a jig to "Home For A Rest" by Spirit of the West.
6) Suicidal. I haven't been here for a long time, but this song and the faith I had then kept me alive until my husband and children could save me. Here's "Elle G." by Newsboys:
7) Sexy. When this song came out in 2001, I looked a lot like Ms. Spears, minus the blonde hair. Sometimes I miss that body so much I want to curl up in the fetal position and cry. When I hear "I'm a Slave 4 U" by Britney Spears now, I go to a happy place in my mind, where I felt hot for a few brief, perfect years.
8) Wistful. This was the hardest revelation I've ever had to face. It's "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M.
9) Powerful. On my way to my professional accountancy exam every morning (it was three days long), I would listen to this song to remind myself that I was smart and strong. I fought my way up this far and I wasn't going to lose my chance now, no matter how scared I was. Here's "Lose Yourself" by Eminem:
10) Philosophical. This is the song I'd like to have played at my funeral; it's who I am. It's "Bittersweet Symphony" by The Verve Pipe.
One last note:
I'm not silent on this tragedy out of indifference, but rather such a storm of emotion that I can't process it enough to write about it at this moment. The grief, shock and helplessness in the face of such evil and pain are too fresh. I will only say that these names are burned in my heart, and more than anything I wish there was some way to unravel time and make these names peacefully unknown again.