Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Where no needle should go

It appears I have successfully gotten off the merry-go-round - hurray! However. My stupid IUD is not just out of position: it has embedded itself in my uterus. Dr. Google tells me this situation is usually managed with tools such as "forceps or an IUD hook," and "an injection of lidocaine into the cervix".
The Scream by Edvard Munch
 
I'm trying to be mature and thankful that this is unlikely to become a serious health problem like so many people have to deal with. But my inner wuss keeps shrieking in the background: You want to put a needle WHERE??  This is what I get for my not-so-secret joy at having scheduled c-sections and avoiding the entire labour business. Just when I thought I'd permanently escaped torture of the lady bits, the needle in the vagina rears its pointy head.
 
http://www.news.legalexaminer.com
 
OMG, I'm scared.
 

22 comments:

  1. Ergh that sounds terrible. Hope it goes well. Take someone with you so you can break their hand when the needle goes in.

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    1. Ah, good plan. I just might do that.

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  2. I'm glad to hear you're off the merry-go-round, but ack! Now this? I'm sending you good vibes. Wait...that didn't come out right.

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    1. Thanks for the kind thoughts :) It's just been one thing after another when it comes to my reproductive life. In the end I've been fortunate to have two healthy children, but it's been no picnic. Menopause is one part of aging I'm looking forward to.

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  3. Ugh, that sounds dreadful. I don't blame your inner wuss one bit for shrieking.

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    1. I'm still hoping there's some other way this can be done. Hopefully I'll find out tomorrow.

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  4. It will be ok.. Just close your eyes and grip down hard with your hands and let them get it out. You don't even want to risk anything happening to you. If it makes you feel better I have to fight myself every month to go get a shot in the eye, where the doctor is retarded and tells me to relax as he forces my eye to stay open so I can see the needle coming. lol I'm a huge wuss girl. It's a 5 second ordeal that I cry about for 20 minutes.. :)

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    1. Oh Melynda, that's even worse!! I feel so bad for you :( When I had LASIK eye surgery, I had a panic attack in the middle of the surgery and the doctor had to stop and calm me down. And I had the numbing drops in and couldn't really see anything...I can't even imagine having a needle in my eye! I'm impressed you can do it at all. I'm not sure I could control my physical reaction in that case.

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  5. Sorry to hear it...sounds painful. Can they put you under for it?

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    1. I don't know yet - I'm going to ask about it tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

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  6. My inner wuss is freaking out in solidarity with your inner wuss. A needle to the cervix is, under no circumstances, a pleasant prospect to contemplate. Glad your IUD saga is coming to a close, though!

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    1. Only a few more months and I will finally be able to dispense with all forms of contraception (Jay gets the big V on Friday). I can hardly wait.

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  7. Oh my holy hell. Request to be put under! Stat! Okay, not really. *deep breaths* It's a simple procedure. Can you be drunk for it? OH my holy hell!

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    1. I did consider getting drunk for it, but was foiled by the whole caring-for-an-infant-and-driving-to-the-appointment logistics. For once the universe smiled on me and they were able to yank it out without a needle or anesthetic. Yeah, it hurt, but it was fast and I took 1000mg of acetominophen beforehand to dull the pain. SO glad that's over.

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  8. lol, your inner wuss. I'm sorry, but that did make me laugh. I am a big baby when it comes to needles at all, so I can totally relate. Doesn't sound like fun at all.

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    1. I was so, so lucky not to end up getting the needle after all. WHEW!!

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  9. I had two difficult IUD removals -not fun! Thanks for stooping by my blog and for your comments. What was the Lily Allen refernece? It was unintentional!

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    1. Haha! I thought you were referring to this part of the lyrics from her song Fear: "Life's about film stars and less about mothers
      It's all about fast cars and cussing each other
      But it doesn't matter cause I'm packing plastic
      And that's what makes my life so fucking fantastic"

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  10. Gah! The term "IUD hook" made my uterus contract in fear and I'm going to have to coax it back out from behind my liver.

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    1. Thankfully it was fast. It hurt, but it was like ripping off a band-aid. The insertion was much worse.

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Lend me some sugar!