Sunday, January 20, 2013

10 things in my closet

I generally avoid going into my closet. No, I don't walk around naked...outside of the house anyway. But since I'm on maternity leave, I don't have to get dressed in real clothes most days, so I try to stay out of my closet. There is a tiny section of clothes that fit me, surrounded by pretty little tops and sexy jeans, glaring at me like accusing ghosts of my formerly attractive self.

In fact, I almost sat out this Monday Listicle because the prospect of going through my closet was so depressing. But in the end I decided to link up after all, because I never let an opportunity to emotionally abuse myself go by. Also, the resulting trauma stopped me from eating a second piece of cake. Hurray!

So here are 10 things in my closet. Click on the badge below if you want to join us.

1) Thongs
At one time I thought thongs were the best thing ever. That was 40 pounds ago and their appeal has lessened significantly since then. Plus there was that whole cat incident. Still, I kept a few to scare my daughter with in the future: "Look what Mommy used to wear!"

2)  Pin-up dress
I love this dress so much I refuse to accept that I may never fit into it again.
 


3) Shoes I can wear 
These are my favourite shoes that I can still wear. I've mentioned before that I would dress like a drag queen if it were socially acceptable, but unfortunately it is not, especially for an accountant. Boo. At least I can have a little fun with my shoes:


4) Shoes I can't wear
I've always liked shoes with a serious heel. When they became painful to wear in my third trimester with Sass, I put them away, thinking it was temporary. But my feet never really recovered and I can't walk in many of my favourite shoes now. I'm not sure why, because I've always had duck feet. Seriously, do you see anything resembling an arch here?


To my great disgust, these cuties were one of the casualties. I keep them around in memoriam, like the thongs.

At least I can live vicariously through Sass, who decided to survey her domain while I was in the washroom. You can see her brother in the background, clearly thinking even at five months, "WTF? How many shoes does she need??" These aren't even all of them (*red face*).


5) House clothes
Pretty clothes are very nice outside of the house, but when we're home alone, we laze about in what we kindly call "house clothes." Other people might call them stained, ripped, too-small, too-big shopping mistakes that should be turned into rags, but that's just mean. House clothes are the reason we don't answer the door when people drop by unannounced. That and because in the summer house clothes often turn into no clothes. You surprise us with a visit, we surprise you with more of us than you ever wanted to see. High-five!

6)  Matching dresses
Before I had kids, I came across a beautiful little dress that looked just like one I had, so I bought it just in case. When I found out I was having a girl, I could hardly wait until she was old enough to wear the dress and we could take pictures together. It never crossed my mind that my dress might not fit anymore when the time came.


7) Oktoberfest hat
Every year Jay and I go to a retro video dance party held in our city for Oktoberfest. It's the one time I get to go out and dance and I love it. You can't celebrate Oktoberfest without a proper hat!


8) Hoochie clothes
I've always believed in the motto "If you've got it, flaunt it." Within reason, of course. Let's not be mistaken for prostitutes here, ladies. However, a 19-year-old's version of "within reason" is quite a bit different from a 34-year-old's and my clubbing clothes at that age (Canada's legal drinking age is 19...poor Americans) were very airy. Most of them are gone, having been thrown out or simply disintegrating in a pool of PVC.

However, I've kept a few items for Sass to laugh at when she's older. I wanted to take a picture of them, but I couldn't find them right away. Not a surprise: the skirts are about the size of my knee cap and the shirts maybe half a nursing bra cup. They're probably hiding behind a thong somewhere.

9) Domestic fantasies
Ooh, what a pretty box! I could use it to store my buttons and sewing supplies!



For some reason I still have a bunch of clothes missing buttons. I don't understand why.


10) Always loved, never forgotten
This is the most important item in my closet. It may seem morbid or weird and may make you uncomfortable in an otherwise light-hearted post, but I can't talk about my closet without mentioning the memory box that sits on the top shelf.

After searching through the blood for my baby and holding the tiny pieces of his or her body in my hand, I just couldn't bear to put him or her outside in the cold. The first twin passed too early for any remains, but what's left of our second angel baby is in this box, including pictures that I don't want to share and you don't want to see. But I'm glad I have them. They're proof that this life existed, if only for a few months, hidden away from the world.


58 comments:

  1. It is good to hold on to the memories of the ones we lost! And I had nothing but thongs in my 20s. What were we thinking?

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    1. I remember thinking that I couldn't imagine ever wearing anything but a g-string. Now it's just...no. It's not only that I've gained weight. I'm just over the dental floss look.

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  2. OK, I can't even remember what I wanted to say about the cool box and that adorable dress, because it is all I can do to type through my tears. You are amazing.

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  3. You had me laughing right until the end. Sorry for your loss but it's good that you have things to cherish the memory.

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    1. That's life, right? Laughter and tears...hopefully more of the laughter!

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  4. I am sorry for your loss; like Paul said, it is good you have these things to cherish the memory. Closets can hold indeed a lot of good things and painful sad things.

    (I did have to laugh about the shoes; even in my younger days I could never wear heels that high)

    betty

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    1. Thanks Betty.

      I worked my way up to the high heels. It actually felt weird to wear flat shoes at one point! My sister can still wear shoes that are even higher...I'm jealous.

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  5. Starting with thongs and ending with your sweet angels' ashes...wow, what a listicle. I have never worn a thong, and a close friend of mine (who I got to know through an NICU parent support group we cofounded) was teasing me and our friends for not wearing thongs. So ironically I associate thongs with my NICU friends.

    I'm so sorry for your losses. I have many close friends who have lost children, and I know that the pain never goes away.

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    1. That thong association made me laugh! Unfortunately I associate them with cat pee, which took a lot of the sexiness out of them.

      As awful as losing the twins was, I see people who lost their babies later in pregnancy or even after they were born and I can't even imagine how much worse that would be. There is nothing worse that I can think of than the loss of a child.

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  6. Quite a diverse listicle. I am very sorry for your loss.

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  7. Aww, the memory box is beautiful, I'm so glad you have that and thanks for sharing it. Your feet: how do you walk on those heels? I can't do that. I've always been a wuss with my feet. I've worn moderate heels on a few occasions and my feet were killing me. My son has flat feet and my husband has the opposite issue - he's 6'2" with size 9 feet - huge arches!

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    1. I can't walk on them anymore! I miss my pretty shoes :(

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  8. We lost our son too...when he was three months old. It was really traumatic, but it's been nineteen years now. Still, sometimes I look at his things, just to remember. And every Christmas I hang his angel ornament first on the tree--I made it out of his baby shirt. Strange how something like a closet can be painful and beautiful and sad and messy and silly, all at once.

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    1. Oh Tamara, I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry.

      I can't say how others react to miscarriage, but a year and half later, much of the sting is gone for me, although I still cry if I think about the actual experience too much. Losing an older baby who had made it into your arms is a level of grief I can only hope I will never know.

      I try really hard not to think about the SIDS risk for my 5-month-old. I don't know how I could go on if something happened to him. I'm in awe of women like you who get up and continue on after such a life-shattering loss.

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  9. I keep deleting my comment. I just can't find the right words to say how sorry I am for your loss. It's hard to remember what you wrote before number ten but I know it was hilarious cos I'd been giggling throughout. In the UK we start all that almost naked clubbing malarkey even earlier. I wish I'd saved some of those clothes like you did. Nothing in my closet dates earlier than four years ago ( accept my wedding dress which the hubs rescued from the last thrift store bag - but that's a whole other story!)

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    1. Guys are strangely sentimental about clothes, aren't they? You'd think if you were OK with donating your wedding dress, your husband would be too...but mine would probably do the same thing!

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  10. My thongs are all cringing in a corner of my underwear drawer trying to stay as far away as possible from the granny panties I wear now. One of the many signs of motherhood: comfort trumps sexiness every time.
    When you lose someone you love, anything that helps you through the grief is a good thing in my opinion, so I'm glad you have that memory box, it's neither morbid nor weird.

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    1. I always found thongs more comfortable than full underwear, because thongs stay in one place. Wedged up your bum, yes, but in one place. But I think their time has sadly come and gone.

      Thanks for your thoughts on grief - I agree.

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  11. I finally cleaned out my closet last winter and got rid of most of the things I can't wear anymore. But I still have a tiny black dress (or 3) and a pair of too-small heels that I swear I'll wear again someday. Everything else, I decided I didn't love enough to wear again even if I did get lose enough weight to fit into someday.

    I'll fess up and say that I still have the pee sticks from both of my kids in my bedside table. They're 3 and 18 months old now, and I still can't bear the idea of throwing the sticks away, so I completely understand your memory box. Now that they are here, I don't want to let go of any memory of them, no matter how small.

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    1. I think a lot of people still have their pee sticks! I need to do another run-through of my closet - if it's too small and I don't like it anyway, why is it there?

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  12. Those first shoes are *awesome*. Glad you have a memory box. Very important (sad you have to have it) and great to keep and treasure in your heart.

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    1. I found them on ebay! It's hard to find anything unique on there, but when I saw them I knew I had to have them. They were only $25!

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  13. Aww hun the memory box is beautiful.. I had a friend who lost twins and had pictures taken by the hospital for her. It was the most beautiful and heart wrenching thing I was ever honored to be allowed to view. Yeah thongs and I never got along, ever.. just ever.

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    1. It was hard to find a memory box that I liked. I found a beautiful wooden one for twins online, but it was in Australia and they wouldn't ship to Canada. I'm glad I have something nicer than an old shoebox at least.

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  14. Love the first pair of shoes and the slip dress. I have to confess: still wear a thong every now and then. I just hate the creep off the cheek feel of full undies some times. But I do like a nice boyshort if I can find one. I feel it's a nice compromise between the scary granny and the floss thong.
    So sorry for your loss, but you've found a beautiful, incredible way to hold the memories.

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    1. I did try boyshorts, but I just felt like I had too much material on. Haha! They do look pretty though, especially the nice lacy ones.

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  15. I love house clothes - known around here as "lounging gear." And lounge I do.

    I'm glad you have a special place to guard your memories.

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    1. It's so nice to come home and put on some really comfy old clothes!

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  16. I absolutely love this post! What a great idea :) And I love your descriptions of everything. I also love your memory box. Thank you for sharing.

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  17. I totally was going to do this Listicle. I figured I'd narrow it down to 10 pairs of shoes, but I was way too lazy to take the pictures. Haha!

    Love the dress and shoes! We call them "house clothes," too, but in an effort to disguise what they really are we call them "pambahays." That's the Filipino word for house clothes. It's not supposed to have an "s" -- that's our Anglicized version of it.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't think there's anything weird about the box.

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    1. I'll have to try to remember that word. It does sound much classier than "house clothes"!

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  18. We do the idea of house clothes too, but we call them "pajamas"

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    1. Haha! I'm afraid ours are a step down from pajamas.

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  19. I also have some house-clothes, but most of them are stuff I have no issue with when it comes to being seen in public.

    HOWEVER, I have a painting outfit. Now that's just ... worse. :-D

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    1. Now I'm curious about this painting outfit! Pictures??

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  20. LOVE Love love that first pair of shoes!! Brings me back to my first class trip to Spain back in high school. I was so paranoid of spending all my money too soon and seeing something at the end of the week that I didn't have money left for, that I pretty much came home with ALL of my money!! I wanted to go crazy on the first day in Madrid buying a bazillion pairs of shoes. One of my favorite was newsprint - that's what yours just brought me back to. :)

    Ironically, the next year, I went back and knew exactly what stores I wanted to hit, how much $ to have on me, what I wanted, etc. The problem - it was holy week and all the stores were closed!!!!!!!! :(

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    1. Oh no! I would have cried. I bet they had really cool shoes there too.

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  21. Hi from ICLW. I love shoes and I think I still might have a few thongs about too.

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  22. I WOULD NEVER EVER get rid of that dress...EVER!!!!!!!!! And when I was working in the financial field I had the best shoes to dress up the mundane carp clothing that is acceptable in that field.
    Lastly, Sass would love my girls. http://new2two.com/?p=2649 Check out that post. We definitely have a shoe fetish going on in this house....My husband too so no one is around to tell us to stop....

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    1. Thank you SO much for sharing this post with me! Half of Sass' shoes aren't even in the picture. If I lined them all up, it would look just like your picture. I don't see what the problem is...

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  23. I LOVE my "home clothes"! Once I'm in them...I'm in for the night. :D

    What a beautiful memory box. <3

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    1. Thanks. I love when it's cold out and you don't have to go out for the rest of the evening...time for comfy clothes!

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  24. You hit the spectrum with this post. All of those shoes! You'll see I can relate. Loved seeing your little girl with her collection.
    I'm glad you shared the most important item in your closet. I'm sorry for your loss. Sharing your experience helps you and others. Ellen

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    1. I did see! I've never thought I had too many shoes, so I didn't take pictures of mine, but I guess I do have quite a few. I blame it on the four seasons in Canada. If I lived in Miami, I would have half as many shoes. I think.

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  25. Here I was thinking I was the only one holding out hope for the clothes I used to wear! Luckily I didn't lose any shoes to pregnancy, although I never wore amazing shoes like you! LOVE those red ones! And I love the memory box you have. It is special to you and its good to have around and keep.

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    1. I know; I was surprised at how many people talked about all the clothes in their closet that they hope to wear again. I love my red shoes too. Maybe I can re-train my feer back to their former heights.

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  26. Awww to the matching dresses. Those are cute. When I was little my mom was still a young 20 something. My grandmother would make my mom and i matching sundresses. My mom's would be halter and mine would be identical but with straps. I don't the we have any pictures in the either sadly. And my what a shoe collection she has. I know boys are different, but he has two pairs at a time. Sneakers and church shoes. He does have a pair of Crocs and flip flops that will probably be too small this summer.

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    1. Oh, it's too bad you don't have pictures of that. It must have looked adorable.

      I really didn't realize she had more shoes than some little girls until my SIL saw them and made fun of me for her entire visit. It's just, you know, there are 4 seasons and there are such cute little shoes that match the colour of each outfit...

      I have slowed down lately because I realized it had gotten a little out of control.

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  27. I love your list. I love how real, raw and personal it is. I laughed, and I teared up at the end. I so relate. Thank you. :)

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much - thank you!

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  28. That IS a great list. I really like your style - the pin up dress and the heels are my favorite.

    Am your newest follower!

    Kate @ http://seriouslykateblog.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks for joining up! I think I'm going to keep that pin up dress forever.

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  29. I have a feeling I'd love to raid your closet - if these few pics are any indication. Sometimes I like to pretend I'm still in my early 20s. ;-)

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Lend me some sugar!